345-2-A-392, A Bloody Tale

["John Stricker" <jstricke@domain.elided>]

Well, here's is my tale of woe.  Pardon the typing as I am currently
handicapped on my left hand for reasons I'll explain later.

My '80 ('81,'79, take your pick) Scout had developed a real taste for oil
the last 8 months.  It left very large puddles from the rear main seal at
each stop, and smoked something fierce on deceleration and startup.  Factory
equipped, it has a auto, 345 4V.  What is sad about this is that the first
part of the summer I had the trans rebuilt and while it was out I debated
replacing the main seal.  I have a philosophy of "if it's not broke, don't
fix it" so I didn't.  Started leaking 2 weeks later.

To make things go quicker, I decided to overhaul one of my spare 345's and
then just swap.  So I tear it down and start mic'ing.  Everything has std
bearings and doesn't eyeball bad, but nothing measures right on the crank.
Hmmm  What are the specs for a 304 crank??  At some point in time, somebody
had shelled a crank in the 345 and either had or all they could find was a
304 crank, so in it went (with the rods apparently).  Sure enough, there are
two distinct ridges in the cylinders.  One a quarter inch below the other.
I'll let somebody else figure the compression ratio (or lack thereof) that
this mongrel had.  So this core goes in the discard pile for now.

Engine no. 2.  Another 345.  It even has a 345 crank!!  Yes, now we're
getting somewhere.  OOOPS.  No.8 rod bearing spun.  Ruined rod.  ruined
Crank.  Discard pile is getting bigger.

Engine no. 3.  Last 345.  Bought it complete from a guy that said it ran but
knocked a little.  Heads off, hole in piston of cyl # 5.  Pan off,
Crankshaft broken in half behind the #3 main journal.  I guess he was
running it as a 4 cylinder.  Discard pile getting very deep indeed.

Now what.  Out of engines and ideas all at the same time.  Of course, pull
the engine out of the '80 and just overhaul it.  Brilliant.  Who'd a thunk
it?  So I do.  Everything, and I do mean everything, is barely within
limits.  Somebody else had already overhauled it, and it would have had to
be bored .060 now, crank turned .020, recondition rods, etc. etc.  Price
parts.  OH kit from Sealed Power (BTW, for whoever asked, I have seen the
discount kits and have not been impressed) about $800.  Machining on block
and crank, about another $250.  How much is a reman?  Long block, $1500,
short block, $1050.  Hmmm, how much more for a 392 short block?  $150.  So
that's what I do.  392 short block in hand.

Have my 345 heads rebuilt, needs 4 new exhaust valves.  Perfect Circle
seals.  All 3 surfaces trued.  Mic and plastigauge the rebuild (I don't
trust anybody) and everything is a little looser than I'd have built it, but
in the middle of the acceptable range.  We start assembling today.  The sky
is blue, the birds are singing.  All is right in the world.

By noon we had the measuring done, pan and front cover buttoned up, turned
over to start on the top end.  Eat lunch.  Stop by my jobber and pick up the
closest shade of red I can find (Ford Red, close enough for me).  Get the
heads and valley cover on.  Top end together, valve covers on.  Water Pump,
etc.  Hey, we're cooking now!!

Time to shoot some paint on some stuff before it gets covered up.  Well, you
know those child proof caps?  I've never seen anything like this.  I screwed
around for a couple of minutes, said several bad words, slammed the cap
against the vise.  Instead of popping off, the cap broke in a million pieces
and the nozzle flew to the pits of darkness.  Steal a nozzle off something
else and shoot the paint.  Got to thinking though, what if I had missed an
punctured the can or something?  That would have really been a mess (and a
waste of paint).  So next can, read instructions.  Instructions say "Insert
blade of 1/4" wide flat screwdriver under tab on cap, twist screwdriver and
push till cap pops off."  Great.  I can do that.  Me big engine builder.  Me
have $25,000 worth of tools.  Me have own shop, not garage.  Me have
experience. Me have ASE certification to show experience.  Me can find
screwdriver.  Most importantly, me can read and follow directions.

I find screwdriver  I follow directions.  Cap explodes off top of can.
Screwdriver buries itself deep in the bottom inside knuckle of my thumb.  I
pull screwdriver out, and blood literally gushes out on the floor.  Part of
my $25,000 in tools is a well stocked first aid cabinet and clean paper
towels.  I wrap hand in paper towels, soaking them immediately.  My hired
hand runs to first aid kit for tape and gauze and we wrap it up tight and
head for the hospital.  5 stitches, 2 inside, 3 outside.  Left thumb is now
taped against left index finger to immobilize it and keep me from pulling
stitches.  This explains my typing.

Pardon my French, but from now on, fuck the directions.  I'm hitting the
sonofabitch on the vise.

Anyway, hopefully we'll get it back in the Scoot tomorrow, but probably be
Thursday before it's running.  If I run into any IH related problems, I'll
let you all know.

John "Just Hit the Damn Thing" Stricker

PS-The leak problem that we assumed was the rear main seal?  It was really
the passenger side valve cover gasket.  Go Figger.

jstricke@domain.elided

"I didn't spend all these years getting to the top of the food chain
just to become a vegetarian"